Day 7: Big Bus Tour II

First full day in Barcelona. 

Per our Groupon itinerary, we were scheduled for the Big Bus Tour of Barcelona today. And it was overcast and cold. Of course. 

But we were not giving up! We had a large, proper, free breakfast at the hotel and took a taxi to Plaça de Catalunya, where we could get our passes for the hop-on/hop-off Big Bus Tour. There was an issue with getting them but this was one of those times where being bilingual saved the day. 

I picked the Red Line because it had the most stops. Not a great choice from Mom's point of view  (plenty of history, no souvenir shops). But we did get a chance to see quite a few interesting places. I could tell Mom was not really enjoying it, though, so we hopped off at a place that looked interesting, only to find out that admission was 14€ per person. 

We noped out of that and got back on the bus, which took us near the marina. There, we saw some DeVos-type yatchs. They were so big and expensive, I halfway expected them to bill us for looking. I'm still not 100% sure I won't have a bill when I get home. 

After we returned to Plaça de Catalunya, we visited some souvenir shops, of course. Then hopped on the bus again, the Blue Line this time, which took us to the Sagrada Familia basilica currently under renovation. (https://sagradafamilia.org/) 

This structure is not only massive but it has amazing architecture. It is definitely a must-see, if only for the architectural beauty of it. 

I chose Sagrada Familia as our last stop because it was left than half a mile from our hotel. It allowed us to walk, saving us taxi fare (no Ubers in Spain!) and allowing us to people watch. I quickly realized this was a mistake. See, Mom has no filter and she also kept forgetting people in Spain understood Spanish. 😳 

Because of the poor weather, we cut the day short and went back to the hotel. No sense wasting energy battling the weather when we've got two more days to explore Barcelona. 

Day 6: Baby Shark

This day was long on hours and short on story. 

We went to Gare de Lyon early enough so there would be no worry of missing the train. That was all well and good, except that I forgot Gare de Lyon is COLD. It's mostly open to the outside, especially Hall 2,which is where our train was coming in. 

We sat in the one beam of sunshine and waited. And waited. And... Yeah. But Mom got to use a pay toilet, so that was a new experience for her. And, yes, she remarked about how great it is to have full doors at the stalls. That's right. America needs to stop with the peep-gaps. 

We settled in the train and basically just watched the scenery, which is lovely this time of year, pointed out a castle or two, ate overpriced mediocre food (at least mediocre by European standards), and tried in vain to convince Mom that what she was seeing was, in fact, snow on the mountains near Perpignan. 

We also took several naps and watched downloaded videos to pass the time. We were also kept entertained by the family next to us. At every stop, dad would hop off the train and tap the window from the outside, making his two girls crack up laughing. 

 

Oh, and why is this one named Baby Shark? Because the adorable youngest girl (about 2 years old) played it once on her tablet while her mom helped her do the hand motions. Her giggling gave us the warm and fuzzies. And her 4-ish big sister was a doppelganger for my little niece. Except I heard this little girl speak English, French, Catalán/Spanish, and what sounded like Punjabi. Kira needs to step up her game! 

The rest of the day was mundane travel stuff. Except now it was en español. 

Oh, one thing of interest. The hotel we're staying in in Barcelona is named Leonardo Boutique Hotel. I've never stayed at a "boutique" hotel but I was pretty sure it would not be too my liking. In my dictionary, "boutique" is French for "expensive." And the champagne waiting at the front desk did nothing to dissuade me from that belief.

This hotel was mostly good but the rooms had this musty/sewer smell. I aired both out and went to the store. Sure enough, the funk was back. I traced it to the shower. It seems there was no water in the p-trap. Once we used the shower, the smell stayed gone.

The second thing that annoyed me was that there were no full size beds. Only twin beds pushed together. Not something I'm used to. 

But the breakfast made up for many sins. Their breakfast buffet had everything you could imagine: jamón Ibérico, eggs, toast, croissants, an espresso machine, cereal, jamón Ibérico, emmental and other cheeses, baguettes, jamón Ibérico, fresh fruit, fresh yogurt, assorted fresh juices, champagne, and jamón Ibérico.

Yes, I repeated jamón Ibérico. If you've ever had it, no explanation is needed. 

All in all, not a bad place. Good location, great staff, and jamón Ibérico. That's good enough for me. 

Day 5: I Made a Boo-Boo

So... Remember how I said we would be Barcelona-bound today? 

Yeah, that didn't happen. 

No, we didn't over sleep and miss the train. We were up bright and early and in plenty of time to catch an Uber to Gare de Lyon. But we didn't make it out of the hotel. 

When I went up to the registration desk, the girl looked at me confused. She thought she misunderstood (her English was on par with my French). I repeated we were checking out. 

Girl: "What room number?" (read in a French accent) 

Me: "Number *** and ***." 

Girl: "No madam. We have you checking out tomorrow, oui?" 

Me: "........" 

Girl: "Ici. Right here." (points to monitor)

Me: (headpalms hard!) "C'est right! I'm so sorry. I guess I'm not leaving."

Girl: ".... Uh, okay?"

Now, picture of you will, me with my backpack strapped on walking over to where Dennis with his backpack and Mom with her (now three) bags and explaining to them that I done goofed. 

Here's what likely happened. I had gotten the train vouchers printed the day before. And I kept looking at the date, 06/05/2019 and my mind, knowing we are in May and forgetting that dates in most of civilized countries are written in a most logical day-month-year, I think my brain decided to ignore the very obvious 6 and just go with two 5s. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! 

So now we have our hopes of escaping cold, wet Paris dashed. And we now have to unpack (at least some things) just to repack in a few hours. Insult to injury! 

Dennis and I were pretty much ready to just go back to bed, which we did. No sense griping about something we can't change. But Mom is definitely not as blasé about travel setbacks as Dennis and I. By 3pm she was clearly not a happy camper. Actually, I took her camping once. She's the poster child for not happy campers. Wilderness adventures are definitely not her jam. 

But I happened to strike upon an idea. We have another night in Paris. Can we get tickets to Moulin Rouge? Well, yes, we could. But I gave it a little more thought and decided on the Soirée Plume show at Lido de Paris. I called to verify that our clothing would pass muster. They normally require formal wear - which we didn't pack and, frankly, I don't even own. But they said we would be fine. 

Great! Got the tickets and told Mom to get ready. That we were going to a nice restaurant. She grumbled that we could go next door again. I told her Dennis had chosen it. That settled it. 

If you've been to a cabaret in Paris, you can skip this part. If you haven't, well... 

Lido de Paris was a good 25-minute drive. Not only was it cold but we were driving so far for "just a dinner" and Mom was still less than pleased, downright approaching miffed. We get dropped off and go right into the building, where there's already a line. For a second, I thought Mom would realize something was odd, but VERY fortunately, there's a movie theater that shares the entrance with Lido de Paris. So we blamed the line on that. 

We are greeted by tuxedos everywhere. At the reservation desk. At the coat check. At the table. The waiter that brought us to the table asked where we were from. While my MVP Dennis distracted Mom (he's getting quite good at it!) I murmured to the waiter that Mom is from Puerto Rico and this is her very first time in Europe and especially Paris, and that she's never seen a cabaret. He immediately steered us to a table with an EXCELLENT view. We were less than 30 feet from the stage! He even made sure she sat on the side where she would get the best view. 

Thank you, waiter guy! 

Mom is still oblivious. She's trying to read the menu but the print was too small. At least the English part was. The French part was big enough... But in French. I told her I would choose for her. I also ordered a bottle of sweet wine, since that's the only wine she drinks. When the sommelier brought the wine, I had Mom be the taster. After all, she is very specific (read: "picky" 😊). Tasting done, she pronounced it "very good!" And she pronounced the second glass "good stuff!" 

Food came and went. Three courses that were good enough but not the best we'd had. No matter. That's not what we came for. 

During the meal, there was an automated "orchestra" playing for a bit, then a couple of guys singing and playing various instruments. Again, they were not the best we'd heard. But that's not what we came for. 

Then the lights went down. And when I say "the lights went down" I mean the lights around us LITERALLY went down into these columns. I hope I got pictures of them. I will circle the lights that disappeared. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I don't have any after pictures. It doesn't matter. That's not what we came for. 

Music begins a light little tune then slowly builds up. A mime comes out on stage and does a cute little skit. Mom is liking it but that's not what we came for. 

Music reaches a crescendo. The curtains open. A whole troop of feathered girls makes their way down this beautiful stairwell, heretofore unseen, and begin singing and dancing. THAT'S what we came for! 

I couldn't in words do justice to what we saw. And, even if I had pictures (which were not allowed), it still would not do it justice. Some things just have to be experienced. 

Three important things I must mention about this evening. 

1. That wine we got will be forever known as "Good stuff!" Vintage 2017.

2. It took a second wardrobe change before Mom noticed that some of the girls were topless. I explained to her that it is a normal thing here. She wasn't convinced until I pointed out the number of kids in the audience, with some even seated at the table next to us. 

3. I think I broke her! When the show ended, Mom was literally sobbing she loved it so much.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I have been crowned her favorite daughter!

(Full disclosure: I'm the only daughter. But I'm still claiming faves! 😉) 

Day 4: Making Lemonade

I guess the meteorologist was right about the weather, after all. He just got the day wrong. It's a rainy, cold, miserable sort of day. Thanks to Uber Eats, we ate some more Chef McDonald's for breakfast and slept a lot. 

In the afternoon, the weather cleared up some so we took Mom to the mall a short walk away. The Italie Deux mall is HUGE. But after walking around two of its floors, Mom concluded that all malls are the same and decided to head back. The only purchases here were some earrings for Mom, a wallet for me, and croissants. Then we battled the frigid wind back to the hotel. 

I decided we would eat at the restaurant next door because we needed to get an early start and I hadn't even thought of packing (my M.O.). It was an Italian restaurant - definitely not Mom's favorite cuisine. But I had checked out the menu and they had at least 2 things I thought she might like to have: bread and piña coladas. The food was ok, drinks were good, of course, and we headed in for the night. 

Not the way I wanted her last night in Paris to be like but at least tomorrow we head to Barcelona and warmer weather!  

Day 3: Big Bus Tour I

(Still working on the pictures issue) 

This morning for breakfast, I took her to a world famous restaurant: Le McDonald's. Mom was surprised the coffee was so good, it being a fast food restaurant. 

 And yes, she had a croissant in Paris. 

After breakfast, we took an Uber into town proper to catch the Big Bus. 

Our Big Bus Tour was scheduled for today and the forecast called for rain all day. Fortunately, it appears that French meteorologists are just as bad as their American counterparts. We had sun for most of the day. 

The Redline of the Big Bus took us to every point of interest: Arc de Triomph, Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, Champs Elysées, Notre Dame... And Notre Dame was the favorite stop, by far. Part of it was because of the fire 2 weeks ago. But the main reason was because at this stop we were greeted by rows upon rows of souvenir shops. 

We followed Mom around from shop to shop. And I must admit spanglofrench haggling was on point! 

On the second go-round (it was a hop on-off bus) Mom couldn't believe there were people in top of the Arc de Triomph. We next stopped at the Eiffel Tower for daytime pictures. This is when Mom told me that I must have taken her to the wrong side of the tower the night before because it looked much bigger than at night. 

After all that sightseeing, we stopped for a very late lunch. I can't even remember all that we ate, but Mom pronounced the wine "very good." She also didn't want to order anything, so we ordered stuff we knew she'd like and asked for an extra plate. Oh, and she definitely ate. A lot! 😁

Through all the sightseeing, I was wondering what had impressed her the most. Until I hear her ask, "Do they even sell high heels in Paris?" 

She's got her priorities set in stone! 

Oh, and it did rain. Late in the afternoon when we were already heading to the hotel. Perfect timing

Day 2: Paris Premiere

The first glympse of Paris was not particularly memorable for Mom. She's tiny and on the drive from Charles de Gaulle Airport, she was seated in the middle back seat of a taxi and could barely see. No matter. We fixed it later. 

We checked in and decided to rest a bit before doing some exploring. Three hours later, we're waking up pretty hungry. In my mind there were 2 equally pressing needs: food and for Mom to see the Eiffel Tower. A few clicks and we had a reservation at a restaurant about a block from Eiffel. In fact, Eiffel looms over the street where the restaurant, 20 Eiffel, is located.

As we exited the Uber (another first for Mom), I had her turn and look up.

I partly wish I'd had the foresight to record her reaction because I don't think I can do it justice. Then again, fumbling for the phone would have ruined the moment. I think y'all will just have to use your imaginations.

After plenty of pictures, we went in, got seated, and I began to translate the menu for Mom. To be clear, the menu was in French AND English. But I had to translate what type of food it was. Definitely more of a Kennis territory but I think I (*coughGooglecough*) did very well. 

Mom gave up on trying to figure out what she wanted and left herself at my mercy. 

*mwahahahaha*

As appetizers, we ordered escargot for Dennis and cold duck log (my best guess) for me. Mom didn't want to try either. Dennis' because it was snails. Mine because it looked weird. And I agreed. It had a Spam-esque look to it. And the flavor did not improve on acquaintance. 

For dinner, she and Dennis ordered a fish dish and I ordered the rabbit. When Mom objected, saying rabbits were cute, I told her this one owed me money. She called me sángana. 

Irene 1, Dennis 0.

As Mom starts eating, she says her fish needed salt. I pointed out the lack of salt at the table and told her not to ask for any. And, yes, I had to use the "I'll tell you later." 

At this point, it might be useful to mention that this place has earned 3 Michelin stars. I didn't realize that until we were there but I was NOT about to insult the chef by asking for salt. I might want to eat there again some day. 😊

I did explain to Mom later on why she couldn't ask for salt. To be fair, the fish did not need it (remember, Dennis had the same dish, so we knew it was well-seasoned). She's just used to more salt in her cooking. Either way, salt was irrelevant. She ate the whole thing! I couldn't believe it. Apparently, French cuisine agrees with her palate. 

After the main meal, we ordered coffee for Mom. In fact, just assume that she'll have coffee during or after every meal. We also ordered a soufflé de framboise that we 3 split. Delicious! 

But the coffee gave us the biggest chuckle. You see, she (meaning me) asked for a latte. Pretty standard. But, when she saw the size of the cup, she was disappointed it was so small. Then she tasted it. She has not complained about a small cup since.

But I think the highlight of the night was her walking out of the restaurant to see a fully-lighted Eiffel Tower. She didn't know it was illuminated at night. We spent the next hour strolling around the Eiffel Tower, taking pictures, and haggling for the occasional souvenir that caught her eye. We even broke down and bought a bottle of champagne from a street vendor at the foot of the Tower.

Last but not least, Dennis. My hubby has endured our Spanglish chatter with very good grace. He's also managed to drive most trinket hawkers away from us by just glaring at them. I love having my own personal bodyguard! 

Unfortunately, it comes at a price. While he stood guard outside one of the shops Mom went to shop in (he REALLY didn't want to go in), he kept getting approached by tourists thinking he was a local tour guide. 😂

Overall, a trés bon experience on the first day in Paris. Uber got us back to the hotel safe and sound. And now to rest! We're ticketed for the Big Bus Tour tomorrow but the forescast calls for 90% rain. 😳

PS. Mom is still on the lookout for people wearing high heels. 😊

Disclaimer

I don't know why, but I'm having a hard time with the blogger app this trip. Please forebear the typos, lack of pictures, and crappy formatting until I can get to a computer and figure it out.

I considered waiting until I got home to do it properly but there's so much funny stuff going on, I'm already behind!

I'd rather post the stories and fix the problems later than forget to post any of Mom's adventure.

Day 1: May 1, NJ-JFK-MUN-CDG

Ladies and gentlemen, we're off!
Europe has no clue what's coming their way!

Luz impressed my brothers by how little she packed. They don't know the struggle!

Full disclosure: she has been packing and unpacking beginning in January. She finished at around 10 this morning, after no less than 10 purse changes. And I'm pretty sure she's gonna tell me she forgot something before we land

So, here's the play by play for our first day.

(TL;DR... There isn't one. Burn with me!)

I'm pretty sure Mom's the one that woke up the sun this morning before she went downstairs to make breakfast for the guys, in the firm belief the her "boys" will starve to death if they skip a meal. I keep telling her their spare tires will keep them hale and hearty for at least a week but she doesn't want to chance it. It's a mom thing.

While she cooked, the rest of us rolled out of bed later (in my case WAY later), and finished our packing. I did leave a few things myself, but that was deliberate. Mom will need the space for souvenirs. That is one of those cosmic inevitabilities I've resigned myself to.

Everyone ready! We went downstairs, said our goodbyes and got on the road.

Two hours saw us arriving at the JFK long-term lot and in another 10 minutes, we were in JFK proper.

Being that this is her first transatlantic flight, I was hoping to be able to snag some better seats than Lufthansa EconoLight, which I'm pretty is German for "you'll be doing dishes for first class."

Well, we did it! Dennis distracted her while I made the purchase - My man! - and Lufthansa rolled out the blue carpet for us. Mainly because that's the business class carpet color. Red carpet is apparently reserved for first class. I wanted nice, not crazy.

After zooming through TSA (amazing what that upgrade will do!), we headed straight to the Lufthansa Lounge, tucked away from mere coach-ticketed mortals (us, 15 minutes and one credit card ago).

Full buffet, open self-serve bar, and Mom's first taste of what's come. Originally, she said she only wanted coffee, which is another of those inevitables, but I nagged her into getting some food, too.

So she got a tiny plate of mainly cheeses and wondered about the price (free). That's when got 2 more plates and 2 coffees.

She pronounced the trip a success after the first sip of Lufthansa Business Class Lounge coffee.

At this point, Dennis and I are loving how happy she is - and we're still at the airport! - but I can see she's getting anxious about the flight.

Basically, this flight embodies everything she hates/fears about flying: it's super long, it's at night, and it's over water.

So we kept her distracted with coffee, conversation, and people watching.

And the people watching cracked me up. You see, I insisted she get sneakers for the trip and literally forbade heels. Well, after 2 hours of people watching, she informed me that she now feels better because she had not seen a single pair of heels, besides airline staff.

Boarding time arrives and she begins questioning why we're in the business boarding queue. At which point I developed a sudden and very convenient case of selective hearing loss that lasted until we were seated because, by then, the jig was up. She knew.

That's when the real fun began!

She at first fussed at me about getting the upgrade, saying she had only paid for the cheap seats. And I have photographic proof of her saltiness.

But no one can stay salty in those comfy seats. Hers lasted until she started noticing all the freebies.

Her reaction to getting a cute little toiletries bag was priceless! She also was all kinds of tickled about the cute steward assigned to her side (we were in the middle and I had a female, which she rubbed in 😁). And once he found out it was her first time crossing the Atlantic, he went out of his way to cater to her every wish. And he when she told him she was afraid of flying, he assured her on his honor that THIS particular plane was THE safest in the fleet. But I may be paraphrasing.

THANK YOU, STEWARD GUY!
As more goodies began to arrive, she said she felt like some famous VIP. And that's exactly what she is. Even cute steward guy will back me up on this. Well, except for the famous part.

She began getting anxious again
when the sun set (remember, she
hates flying at night) but the food
arrived right at that time and the
encroaching night was forgotten.

After eating a full meal, which for
her is an anomaly, ESPECIALLY when traveling, I adjusted her seat for sleep. La-Z-Boy ain't got nothing in these!

Blanket, pillow, noisee-canceling headset, tablet playing El Chavo del Ocho... And 5 minutes later, she's fast asleep.

I'm writing this a bit after 11pm
EST and she has already been asleep for about an hour.

And Dennis? He very gallantly
offered to stay in coach but we
were able to get 3 seats, albeit not together. And he's got a very
bizarre-looking guy seated next to
him. But he's got a bulkhead seat,
which got served first, and being
able to stretch his 6'3" frame out
for the 11-plus hour flight seems to be making up for being seated by himself. Thanks, hon!